More of the real thing

The move from analysis to art.

We need less of the meta and more of the real thing. Less people creating about creating, more people creating. Less people commenting about creating, and more people just creating. Less people analyzing what it means to create, and more people creating.

This dark place – the one where you literally are trapped inside rote analysis of the thing you actually love – is a place I’ve gotten stuck too many times. And in some ways, still am stuck.

It’s easy to get stuck doing work around the work. Versus just doing the work itself. For some rare birds, I think this is a light place. It really is “the work.” They are analysts at heart.

But for me, and likely for you too if you’re still reading, this dark place is painted with all of my fears. Mostly fears of risking the composed character that I play in many spaces in my life. Mostly fears about leading with my heart and standing behind what I genuinely feel in this moment — about myself and the world.

The internet is this record of everything we’ve ever said. That’s scary to me for whatever reason. I’m afraid that my fleeting feelings — the fuel of art — will come back to bite me in the ass somehow. So, it’s safer to analyze. No risk. No worries. In the dark place: I don’t have to communicate what I’m really thinking and feeling, and then live with the consequences. I can just say some interesting shit about creators.

I’ve treated writing on the internet in the last few years as a “business card.” If the things I care about are a stain glass window, I’ve shared — at max — a tiny shard of that. More importantly, I love to write and hate that I’ve subconsciously turned this sacred act into something so remedial.

I’m starting to realize I’d rather have no mistakes about how I feel, and lead with it all on my sleeves, than to continue hiding certain cards because I think they should be hidden. No one made me hide anything, it was always me making that decision out of fear. There’s no need for a “digital me” and a “work me” and a “friend me” and a "writing me.” I want these people to be the same. This is the real work.

The fusion of these identities, and starting to write again is going to be one giant practice in vulnerability and truth-telling for me. That’s my north star for now. No other metrics to measure. Just — can I sit down on most days and immerse myself in the real work? Can I have the courage to step out from behind the shields of analysis and theory to say something real?

Art was always meant to explore the edges of the moment. Nothing more. That’s my intention this year. To step away from the meta of commentating and analyzing… and just create. To inspire a revolution in myself back to the real thing.